The pressures associated with being a professional athlete led Boston Red Sox outfielder Jarren Duran to attempt suicide, a personal moment he detailed in a new docuseries.
The Athletic and ESPN, which were among the outlets to receive an advance copy of the eight-part Netflix docuseries, “The Clubhouse: A Year With the Red Sox,” shared portions of the interview with Duran on Monday. Duran’s story is featured in the fourth episode.
Duran, 28, was selected by the Red Sox in the seventh round of the 2018 MLB Draft after his career at Long Beach State. He made his major league debut on July 17, 2021, saying it wasn’t an easy season.
He hit .215 in 33 games, followed by .221 in 58 games the following season. His miscues in the outfield added to the boos and insults he heard from the stands and the social media posts directed at him, increasing his depression.
“I was already hearing it from fans,” Duran said in the docuseries, as shared by ESPN. “And what they said to me, [it was like], ‘I’ve told myself 10 times worse in the mirror.’ That was a really tough time for me. I didn’t even want to be here anymore.”
He went on to detail how he loaded a single bullet in his rifle and pulled the trigger but it didn’t work.
“I think God just didn’t let me take my own life because I seriously don’t know why it didn’t go off,” he said, per ESPN. “I took it as a sign of, ‘I might have to be here for a reason’, so that’s when I started to look myself in the mirror after the gun didn’t go off. I was like, ‘Do I want to be here or do I not want to be here?’ That happened for a reason and obviously, you’re here for a reason so let’s be the way you want to be and play [the way] you want to play and live the way you want to live.”
With that new attitude, things turned around for Duran. After starting the season at Triple-A Worcester, he played in 102 games for the Red Sox in 2023. He went on to hit .295 with eight homers and 40 RBIs but made a huge splash in 2024, when he was named to his first All-Star team, won the game’s Most Valuable Player award and finished eighth in the voting for the American League MVP.
Last season, Duran played in 160 games and led the major leagues in plate appearances (735), at-bats (671), doubles (48) and triples (14), and added 111 runs, 21 home runs, 75 RBIs and 34 stolen bases. He also was a Gold Glove award finalist.
In a statement, the Red Sox commended Duran for talking about his struggles.
“Jarren’s decision to share his story is an act of courage that reaches far beyond baseball,” Red Sox president and CEO Sam Kennedy said. “By opening up, he’s showing others who may be struggling that they’re not alone and that asking for help isn’t just OK, it’s essential.
“Every member of this organization continues to stand with him. He has our deepest admiration, he’s always had our full support and we’re incredibly fortunate to have him as part of our team.”
Duran reminds himself of his journey through the tape he wears on his wrists.
“On my left wrist, I write, ‘[expletive] ’em,’ because it’s me telling my demons, ‘You’re not going to faze me,'” Duran said in the docuseries, per ESPN. “And on my right wrist, I write, ‘Still alive’ because I’m still here and I’m still fighting.”
–Field Level Media
